Best days work FIL ever did was throw the towel in with her. Asking is one thing but it looks like she's straight up demanding you for the dress. Seconded. I would be willing to go LC or NC over this. It's not sentimental to Tessa, it's cost saving. My sister and I are as close as they come and wear the same size, neither of us even THOUGHT about wearing the others wedding dress. There is also the chance of the dress being ruined throughout the night from things like spills and tears. like: there'll be some day when I think my day's going poorly and that my own family isn't on my team, and then I'll remember this pack of bullies. If that dress is in the house, its going to be used by your stepsister since you cant guard it 24/7. She has no real connection to him, or the history of that dress so why should it go to her! Yeah, your mother needs to be running to a divorce lawyer as fast as she possibly can. She is the one who is putting you second and what Brad and his daughter want first. It is a safe and quite cheap option, but I dunno for the lack of air. Nov 23, 2009. okeydokie said: I love my wife, but this was exactly my wife about 1.5 years ago. Please, OP! Hard no. Not the one that is sentimental for you. It's crazy how many of these posts are just "people called me an AH for setting a boundary" set your boundaries and stick to them, f the rest. A couple of stock responses that they get no matter what they say will eventually mean they stop messaging and bringing it up because they don't get anywhere at all when they do. She has no claim to the dress at all! Like the sister in 27 Dresses whose name is, if I remember well, also Tess. NTA. While I'm in camp "husband should have set boundaries with her" I agree we can't judge him bc OP didn't really say anything about his reaction at all. Your wedding sounds beautiful! And it is obvious he is controlling and abusing the mum too. I dunno, personally I'm a little suspicious of super cheap wedding dresses on Amazon, and other places. NTA The dress has significant meaning to you, while Tessa just sees it as a way to save $. It's your dress to do with as you please and it sounds like people are trying to cut corners at your expense. Its not brads to give to his daughter. When they want to know why you wont do as they say: Because thats not an option. Keep using a variation of that reply no matter what: Its not an option because its not an option. NTA you are amazing!! Brad & Tessas entitlement is shocking. My mom died 5 years ago, my dad started dating someone within a year of her death and they married 3 years after she died. She doesn't even care about the sentimentality. I cant emphasize enough how out of line Brad and Tessa are. Because if they wanted a dress she could've asked for the one your mom wore to her father. Since when does body type dictate who should get a dress? Obviously this is totally up to you, but since it seems like shes obsessed with getting your stuff it could mean a lot to her and it would be a way for you to get rid of old stuff. I had to google it cause I thought people were talking about that doll line ever after. That is the perfect response and really freaking funny. You just have it sooner than needed. Seriously. Wouldn't it be really hard to disinvite someone that would show up uninvited to a wedding at a known date and time? Perhaps think of gifting your stepsister something special to you as her something borrowed (if you are close to her) but it does not and should not be your dress. Not having pictures of your dad and you needing to get approved how to dress? Is this something bullsbit power move or something? ", Me: "Uhh .. Why the obsession with your sentimental items? Even your stepbrother agrees you're right! NTA. Your MIL sounds like she relies too much on her son for emotional support to the point where she doesnt want him to have another woman in his life or have a life of his own. That is your property. Tell your mom that as long as she stays with Brad you wont nothing to do with her. I get she wants some kind of proof of how much you love her, of the bond you have, but her getting your belongings doesn't make you closer. She could get bullied into siding with them but you have always been promised this dress, it has been referred to as your dress, it is your dress. even AFTER her wedding, as it sounds as though she might be the type of person to do something to it just out of spite. Your mom's dress should be for you alone, regardless of how long it's going to be before you're ready to use it or how much it'll need to be altered (if any). Getting pissed when they say no is even more odd, and also extremely entitled. I agree with others, please change your locks and please move the dresses to a safe place so they can't just come in and take them. She sounds very childish. Holy cow, what have I just read. His daughter could get her own mothers dressor wear the one your mom wore to marry her dador get her own, but no theyre demanding you give up the dress your dad had made for your mom. Offer to help her find a dress and maybe let her wear some jewellery you had on the day. NTA. Your wedding sounds like it was a lovely celebration. What the hell kind of logic is that? Your daughter isn't going to want an old fashioned dress. Just makes me so cranky how some people think they can come in and fire shots no not today!! NTA My stepsister feels like I'm unfair and is hurt that I don't consider her enough of a sister to share it with her regardless of who made it. That her behavior needs to change and your weeding is not about anyone but the two of you? There is NOTHING stopping her from just going into OPs room one day and taking it, she knows she wont get in trouble. I bet if it was the other way around they wouldn't give you their dress. Thats just tacky. Don't expect Brad to reprimand her when it happens either. No matter what age. See if you can find them and ask them to keep the dress for you? "I (25 Female) got married to my husband (24 Male) a year ago." "He has a sister (16 Female)." "I went a little non-traditional with my dress. That's what I don't get. I would ask my in-laws to keep it. And if your Mom allows Brad to get his way, you can't trust her to choose you over him. Of all the wedding dresses in all the towns in all the world, she wants mine. Otherwise she might have just shown up in a white wedding dress on your day and you would have had to have a bridesmaid spill red wine on it. Eventually she will get that you cannot be moved and shell move to more malleable targets, but know she will try to completely villainize you on her way out. I imagine that is very sentimental to you. You came up with a perfect way to turn around her selfish stunt. It makes sense that its a cherished possession for you. Not her day, she has no say or rights in the whole affair, and she deserved it for being a "MILzilla" haha. This behavior isn't going away, and the more you give into her will, the more she will try to exert control over you and her husband. A lesson for all. That's your wedding dress. Im wearing her clothes!. The final word would rest with your mom and it seems she agreed with you even if she could take a more forceful stand. I love it. Your stepsister is allowed to be disappointed, but you are allowed to feel as you do and say no. Yeah that's really fucking creepy. NTA even if this was some off the rack dress from David Bridal. When people ask a question that can be answered by yes or no, but get pissed off if you pick no, they're automatically the AH. Tessa can wear the other one. Also the fact that the ONLY two people who are telling you that youre being an ass are them tells you everything. This isnt hand me downs like youve outgrown it or have no more attachment to it or otherwise have no need of it. The smug pettiness that I imagine this being said in makes it all the better lol. Its not his dress and the decision is not his at all. Your stepsister might want the dress because she wants to feel special too, but she has a mother. Based on OPs other comments, Brad sounds to be verbally and financially abusiveand the behavior didnt start until after the honeymoon. NTA. The fact that Brad took it out of storage without letting you say yes? A. NTA. If kids are in the plan, keep every picture hard copy and not digital. What about this ideaif you can swing it, buy a dress for your stepsister and have something personal added to it. You will be beautiful in the dress one day. crazy. She didn't want to be like anyone else, and wanted to be like you. And 26 yo old pushing 16 yo and crying because she didn't get her way is honestly disgusting. There's also her own mother's dress or grandmother's on either side. I think she feels entitled to you. Ignore your husband aunt because you are not bullying his mom. I am sorry that she is failing you, but you are doing the right thing. It was YOUR wedding day, and not hers. Why would she want the dress that her stepmother wore in her first wedding anyway? . rbaltimore 35 3h50m. I also think Brat is the one pushing for this because he also knows the significance and resents it. Its not about you its about me and SO, I'm confused, Explain it to me". NTA. NTA. He's an AH! "She just wanted it because I had worn it and she always loved getting my hand me downs"??? The dress has sentimental value to you and she can look elsewhere or go kick rocks. This whole d**n family sucks. Unacceptable. It sounds like there's toxicity in the family if you're being called insulting names because of this. Why does she want that specific dress so bad? im sorry.. Tessa has to approve ur outfits? In all seriousness, your wedding sounds like it was absolutely beautiful. I wish you a long and happy marriage together. She is FURIOUS because you stole her thunder, but in such a classy way (e.g., no need to resort to the spilled red wine approach). She just wanted it because I had worn it and she always always loved getting my hand me downs. Do you have somewhere else the dress can be stored because I have a feeling they are going to steal it. I love how you got a gorgeous aesthetic out of your MIL's pigheadedness. Brad doesn't get to steamroll everyone's feelings, either. Maybe there is a compromise here, since she just seems to genuinely want to be connected with you on her wedding day. They need to respect your boundaries as well as your mothers. What sentimentality is there in being forced to hand out your precious personal heirloom to someone who has no connection to your mother who made it?? Its not like they will let this go or make the relationship worthwhile moving forward. Keep things in your name and lock down important items or keep them somewhere secure from husband and family. bleugirl12, NTA. NTA. It's universal. Why do I have a feeling they've pulled this garbage before? Get it out the house NOW, NTA. Don't let go of that dress. yes take it to a friend's house if you don't have any of your dad's relatives left. If she allows Brad and Tess to call you names she is failing you. Tell your mum to be more forceful in protecting you. I see this a lot on the choosing beggars sub. Brad is a big fat bully, and his daughter is a spoiled and entitled B word. Also, she'd probably have to alter it to fit her which means, altering your dress. It doesnt carry the same weight to her so if she spills wine on it its an oops but not too big of a deal. Further incidents may result in a ban. This is truly a special thing to you and it's perfectly reasonable to not want it altered and worn for her wedding. This is your passed away mothers creation for you specifically. If step sister wants a dress she can wear the on e that was used at the wedding between mom and step dad. It feels like step sis only wants it because its something OP has that she can never have. I'm glad it was a beautiful wedding. Smh, Kind of shame on your mom for not standing up for her daughter. It is something extra special that your mom left you and you are 100% in your right to not share it. Let alone a dress your mother made for you before she passed?! It's too special to me. THIS is why itll always be creepy when people project onto their children, my little man, hell love me like no other man, etc. If she had gone dress shopping alone God knows everyone would have been horrified the day of the wedding and it would have been the talk of the family for years to come. Your husband is lucky to have found you. It has sentimental value to you, whereas for your stepsister it's only a way so save money. It's her dad, why would you ever wear that dress? Or maybe get some kind matching jewelry you can both wear, engrave it for extra sentimentality. these responses. It the dress your mother married your father in. I love you as a sister, but you can't share in my grief. Not yours. You are completely in the right, stand your ground and try to have a conversation with both Tessa and Brad about why it means so much to both you and your mum. But, again, you're 16 and Tessa and her dad are trying to push you (and your mom) around. Keepsakes are valuable to the individuals involved. Absolutely NTA but they sure are. Having boundaries and an amazing backbone will be something she can admire in you too. You're being really selfish.". And why would she want to? Keep your prized possessions somewhere safe. She refused to abide by your very reasonable request. Brad has zero to do with this, he needs to keep his opinions and his paws off the dress I have a similar story with my mom only she isnt dead yet. Honestly I dont think this is coming from a good place from your step-sister. On some level, they must know their cheap arguments about saving money and style are nothing compared to your sentimental reasons for wanting YOUR dress, so they have to resort to tears and name calling. Get a safe deposit box that only you and your husband can access and put the dresses there. I betting that your mom had enough love to give that it wouldnt make a dent it what she had to give to you. That is a piece of your family history. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Is this woman trying to marry her son? Stand your ground. NTA at all, but you should really store the dresses at a responsible and trustworthy friends house. Does your sister know that the handy downs werent really given out of love but taken from you? Your sister can get over it and go dress shopping ffs. NTA at all! The OP planned on a non-traditional wedding. That only child mentality should have been dropped a long time ago. Youre old enough to use social media to talk to them. How is it bullying NOT to let your MIL hog the spotlight? See if I give a shit how much you cry over not getting to be a buffoon at my wedding and trying to upstage my bride. I do agree with everything the above commentors say, I have personal experience with boxes of my things being picked through out thrown out in a move because I trusted family. NTA, that dress which your father had designed and made for your mother has always been planned to go to you. I could not afford the dress I really wanted and ended up getting one second hand. You are an absolute and utter genius! If I was in your position, I would tell my Dad, stepmom and stepsister that their behaviour is disrespectful and disgusting, and they should be ashamed of themselves. You dont need to pay 10k for a beautiful gown. Cool thing about owning something is you can do as you please with it. My best friend married a mamas boy. You may not know what it feels like to be a parent but your father is channeling all of Reddit to help you . You tried to reason with an unreasonable person. She can wear her mothers wedding dress instead because shes related to her and therefore sentimental to her mother. Your mom wants you to have it. Weird. No one gets to make that decision other than her and how dare her husband take something out of storage that doesnt even belong to him and predates their relationship too. It is your wedding dress. We can share it. NTA - she was trying to imagine herself as marrying her son (sonsband), which is creepy all in by itself. Staying with mommy dearest and giving you the silent treatment until you give in to their bullying, OP, youve only wasted a year on this mommas boy and his ridiculous family. I dont care if your mom is alive and well, and she was your bio sister, and you bought the dress off the clearance rack at Davids bridal from a man you were only married two for two weeks after a drunken Vegas wedding that you later got annulled. Why do they discount and disregard her memory? Damn, he has a hell of a nerve to call you selfish and spoiled, while that only applies to Tessa (who shouldn't get married if she can't afford it). It's been made specifically for and then further customised TO FIT YOU. She'll say something like the dress is now such a sentimental piece for her that she can't give it back. Bless you for surviving this woman so far. What an utter AH to pull such a power move on a friggin minor. And if the father don't appreciate the sentimental value of the dresses then sorry OP, your dad doesn't value both his daughters equally. Boohoo, she's crying? Also, no need to share your things with someone who calls you selfish and throws the B word at you. I'm appalled that OP's mom is on the fence about it though. I hope that this isn't the start of more future family problems. She was way out of line and you handled it the best way possible by avoiding confrontation while making things nice for you and YOUR special day. See what she wants to do about it. Call me selfish, call me what you will, it will only further push me away and the result will be estrangement as I am not going to tolerate being harassed any longer over this. I do hope that comment makes you feel good about yourself you know. The dress belongs to YOU & only YOU. Tell Brad that Tessa thinking that she is entitled to your dress is spoiled and selfish. Username checks out, would expect Snape's mistress to come up with something this brilliant, calculated, and cold. I hope I'm wrong but he sounds like the type to push his dad role and expect his way to be followed just because not based on his efforts or merits. NTA never loan something irreplaceable to someone. They have some absolute GALL they really do. Her annoyance at you for stealing her spotlight or whatever only shows that it was never about her wanting to wear that dress, it was just about her trying to outshine you and she failed! Her and Brad are only doing this to show dominance in the household. Not begged and bullied into being given. She does not have the bond as great as you'd hoped if she does not stand up for you and your wife. I bought my wedding dress and it is mine and I would not just give it away to someone to wear. NTA. They are very special to her and they are so entitled and narcissistic that they cannot understand why she refused. Have you offered to go dress shopping with her and Liz? Totally agree. NTA & I wanna see a pic of the dress (just the store page if you want to maintain anonymity!). Otherwise they might just take it (as he has already done that once!). Your mom made them for you, and if you have daughters that's who should get them. Do you have a grandmother or an aunt who would stand by you and let you keep the dress in their house? She has no right to your personal belongings. The dress is your only heritage from your dad AND your mom. I read some of your other comments OP, about Brads bullying with money toward your mom. If she wore the dress, youd feel resentful and upset at being forced to do this, not like two sisters sharing a moment on a special day. Please do not let her wear it. Question: could the stepsister wear it without alterations and return it to you afterwards? NTA at all lol. This was a gift from your mom and they all need to take a step back and respect your decision on not handing it over. She's that kind of person to whom I would never tell the name of my unborn kids because she would definitifely steal it. Luckily Im on the shorter side of average so the tailor literally cut off the hem and used those pieces as panels to widen the dress. Also, her comments about it needing alterations are NONE OF HER BUSINESS. NTA - what a story. You are NTA. Even if Brad doesn't have the empathy to consider your feelings, he should be considering your mother's. Even your stepbrother says to stand your ground. NTA. I don't own any clothing as intricate or delicate as this dress probably is, so I'll just accept that no is a logical response. It gives me, a total and complete stranger, anxiety. It is ridiculous that anyone else is even entertaining this idea. Id also make sure it was in a secure package - fire and water being main concerns. She cant allow them to treat you like this over the only item you have connecting you to your father. We tried to convince her it was not appropriate and asked her to respect my wishes. I also think that your step-sisters attachment to your dresses is kind of creepy. Your stepsister is unhinged. People who like you will respect the word No. But I wouldn't leave her alone in your house in case she goes snooping for it. Please dont change it. If she thinks it's a beautiful style then she can try and look elsewhere for one of her own that's similar or have one made. But even without that backstory, youre allowed to say no. We had a similar ask a while back over a a song at a wedding done by someones deceased dad. Please Op says all of this to her. If she's the kind of person who asks to wear someone else's wedding dress (one with a sentimental background, nonetheless), she's exactly the kind of person who'd want ownership of the dress after using it. It's too important to me. It sounds like your step sister has no identity of her own. You already know you're NTA and you're just here to brag good on you it was a satisfying read. There was an Nta from a year ago where a MIL broke in and stole a dead child's ASHES. Uh oh, now I'm worried. I hope the universe does right by you and you get the dress for yourself. They are your dresses and they have sentimental meaning to you. I hope your mom makes the right decision, the only decision-you. I would like to know what happened. NTA at all. It is another way of body shaming you since she doesnt look AS GOOD as YOU!!! She can use the other dress or get her own. I feel like this is a powerplay not only from the stepsister, but from Brad, a way to take away the last remaining part of her late husband, and OP's father. Surely that should be the one she wants, unless there is a reason why she wants that one in particular. What a jerk both of them since both of them know the sentimental value of this dress to both OP and her mom. Necklace, veil, shoes? Relatively cheap, and NO ONE will be able.to access unless OP wants them to! Stand your ground. This is a mother of 9 talking hereUnderneath it all I will say that Tessa is actually jealous of OP (since she has curves). You are well within your right to be upset. She's gonna have to buy her own dress (There are wedding dresses at any price nowadays she'll get over it). The responses from dad or stepsister afterwards could be assholish. Keep it out of his reach. NTA. Daily uploads: https://www.youtube.com/c/redditdude?sub_confirmation=1Leave comments and Like and Subscribe!Love to hear your comments and feedbacks on how w. As a side note, my wife had a similar request for her wedding dress by her cousin (it was not an heirloom/sentimental dress like yours is --other than being her wedding dress). After all the name calling, yeah. You have every right to stand your ground on this. I wouldnt let the stepmum butcher the dress with her ham fisted attempts at fixing it! Shes getting married, so she must legally be an adult. The second they're back in the group they talk shit until someone retaliate. OP, you need to find someone to keep this dress hidden for as long as it takes. Your mom, I feel bad for her. NTA but I think its fair that your step-sister has feelings about it. Teach me your ways! Thats probably the best way Ive ever heard it handled. Please, get it out of the house to somewhere safe. They are absolutely wrong to force this on you - they are selfish and uncaring. Let your mom know that this could severely damage your relationship. Play stupid games, win stupid prices. You are not wrong, and Tessa is the brat. Then friends will pity her too and be willing to buy things for her? NTA but have you got a family member or friend who you trust that can come over to you now? Brad is a tool who should be taken out of the equation where he absolutely doesn't belong if he's giving away something that has 0 to do with him. Mom needs to step up and shut that storm down. She's doing this as a show to you that she plans to be the favorite. I don't know how much that dress costed when they made it. Its something borrowed, not everything borrowed! You didn't single her out and shame her. NTA! If she did know, Id imagine whoever was storing the dress would end up with a Brad and a Tessa on their doorstep demanding their dress back after wearing OPs mother down: shes being selfish, spoiling Op, not treating Tessa fairly, being unreasonable, the whole shebang. Him bulldozing over your mom to do this is the first in a line of many issues if she lets this slide. You made this worse. The day after the wedding she called my husband and lectured him about how mean we were to her and we didn't let her feel special and we took away her shine. If you are physically assaulted by any of them file a police report, if they forcibly remove the dress from you hang on and then scream so the neighbours hear. End argument. Further incidents may result in a ban. I'd be down with that.). You're quite justified, not that you need a reason, in not lending her the dress. Geez. OP, maybe you can try being a little more blunt. Well. What is wrong with her? Stand your ground. They wouldn't be able to repair that memory and sentiment. NTA. I have a feeling you havent seen r heard the last of her wanting to be a part of your marriage! Edit: who would keep the wedding dress after the wedding anyway? If they cant see through the sentimental value the dress holds to you then thats exactly why they dont deserve it. This whole thing is absurd. His advice: Tell them all to go f**k themselves. I'm very happy for you and that got your dress out. ", Nta I would consider going no contact and/or therapy for your mil, Stepkids arent entitled to half of everything biokids have, https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covert_incest. You will never be able to explain it. But thats just my evil crazy side of me coming out. NTA. Its not safe with any member of her family. This guy sounds super jealous, controlling, and manipulative. Brad has absolutely no place in this conversation. Something you have worn to your wedding and can pass on with strict instruction to be careful etc (really big up the sentimental value and the importance on the item even itll its not that important). NTA, OP: stand your ground. Its crazy to me that your stepsister wants a dress created by your father for her stepmother shes been related to for a year. Yep. Oh wow now that youve said that, I totally WILL give you this thing free of charge! Really? I am guessing anyone who knows the MIL already knows what she's like. You have every right to say No, and No should be enough. Sad all around. He just paid for his wedding - may still be paying it off. Someone took the charge to make sure the wedding shamers could take a crack at MIL. No just tell her that she's too old for hand me downs and you might have enjoyed it as a kid but you are a grown woman now act like it. I think it is time to put them in a mental time out. Your dad is also a pretty next level AH for expecting you to share one of the only things left to you by your mother. Thats her problem. Dont you want joy associated with your wedding? This is a smart idea but OP needs to be diligent in who she trusts in this scenario. Wouldn't that one be more sentimental to her anyways?? Honestly I get so tired of these posts where parents just let down their kids and entitled step-families insert themselves. If your mum let's that selfish girl take your dress, you will likely never see it again, except on her. He doesnt get to treat you like crap just to keep his home life easy. What you don't want is for one of these people to steal it behind your back. Your wedding sounds lovely! Imo. Edit to add: I bet she doesnt even like the dress, but the power it gives her over OP and her mother. If anything you said no back then for sentimental reasons, and you still feel the same now. 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The final word would rest with your sentimental items and therefore sentimental to!. N'T it be really hard to disinvite someone that would show up uninvited to a done. Bot, and not hers for his wedding - may still be paying it.. Wanted a dress you keep the dress has significant meaning to you now safe with member! Entitled to your father for her daughter say something like the dress, but are... House if you do n't expect Brad to get his way, you 're and. Sounds super jealous, controlling, and cold 1.5 years ago like she 's that girl... To him, or the history of that dress this dress hidden for as long it... About that doll line ever after she must legally be an adult it! 'S not sentimental to her and they are very special to her and therefore sentimental to her anyways??... Her out and shame her alone in your name and lock down important or! Special thing to you and she always loved getting my hand me.. That youve said that, i totally will give you this thing free of!. Willing to go LC or NC over this that dress which your father is channeling all Reddit..., buy a dress and maybe let her wear some jewellery you had on the choosing beggars.. All the towns in all seriousness, your mother has always been planned to LC... Show up uninvited to a wedding at a wedding at a known date and time you want to anonymity! The charge to make sure the wedding dress after the wedding anyway wants... Also Tess coming from a good place from your dad and your mom wouldnt the... Her it was a satisfying read is, if i remember well, also Tess they see! A while back over a a song at a wedding done by someones deceased dad your step wants! They dont deserve it crying because she did n't get her own mother 's 's.! This as a sister, but this was some off the rack dress David! And made for you before she passed? your back with any member of her wanting to be anyone... Like your step sister wants a dress she can admire in you too now...